My premiere post.  I’m a 40 yr old Latina.  Born in the Bronx…raised in Sac, CA and grew up in Humboldt County and became a wife and mom back in Sac. I’ve struggled with weight all my life.  Always that “You are so pretty. You’d be prettier if you lost weight.” girl.  Probably been on some kind of program all most of my life but nothing too extreme… well besides the Take Shape for Life Medifast phase I experimented with back in 2009.  Lost 35 lbs in 2 months but also lost some of my dignity when I “shat” on myself while in the car on my way to a meeting.  Good thing my house was on the way to that meeting so I could stop and clean myself up.  SMDH.  That program of processed malitol filled crap.  That does did not work for me.  Works for others… but not me.  During my adult life I think the most I’ve weighed is about 305.  I’ve been as low as 214. Went back up to 250 and now I’m back at about 230.  I exercise 4-6 days a week for about an hour a day. I’m on Weight Watchers.  I’m temporarily seeing a personal trainer who wants me to start his meal plan today.  WTF… tracking two different programs.  WHY!?!  I’m just struggling over all with all this.  Why?  Because I’m just fucking tired.  I’m 40 yrs old for gawds sake. Who the fuck am I trying to impress?  I’m a healthy, active woman.  My husband loves me.  My child adores me.  I look good.  I feel fine.  My health is fine.  I just ran a gawd damn half marathon.  Not the highlight experience of my life by the way.  I don’t wake up in the middle of the night eating food out of the garbage can.  Can’t a bitch just eat one of the donuts in the breakroom right now?  I’m just tired of all this tracking and snacking my way through life.  I just want to eat what I want, when I want.  At this point, my metabolism is about as slow as a three toed sloth in a race with a Galapagos turtle.  My life and personality revolves around me being a fat woman.  I am, who I am today because I was afraid of boys until my late 20’s.  Being fat has made me who I am today and this person is a good person and mother.  Now… “good wife” that’s a blog for another day.  My tumblr is about me having someone to talk to about this because I’m tired of going to meetings, looking for support groups, and trying to be something I will probably never be.  This is my start.  Thank you.